Sick of the unavoidable commercialism of the season? Wishing there was a way to celebrate with family without giving into the consumerism associated with the holidays? Have pent up anger, frustrations, or just the general need to get something off of your chest and not sure how? 

Cue Festivus! A secular holiday designed to avoid the pressures of the Christmas season and provide an opportunity to clear the air with friends and family! This wonderful holiday was made famous on Seinfeld and originally created by Daniel O’Keefe, father of Seinfeld script writer, Dan O’Keefe. Follow the steps below to enjoy a Festivus for the rest of us!!!

1.    Set up a Festivus Pole

There is no need for fancy decorations with this holiday! Just an unadorned aluminum pole will do. All of those lights, ornaments, and tinsel take too long to set up and are distracting anyway. If you want to stick with the complete non-commercialization of the holiday, why not make a Festivus Pole yourself? Perhaps a roll of aluminum foil will suffice?

2.    Prepare Festivus Dinner

Do not bother slaving away in the kitchen over a turkey dinner! A simple and plain meatloaf (or veggieloaf) is all that is required. Ensure it is served on a bed of lettuce in true Seinfeld fashion.

3.    Air Your Grievances

While enjoying your perfectly plain dinner, take some time to let everyone around you know how they have disappointed you this year. This is the time to get everything off of your chest. Has your son been slacking on his chores? Your husband constantly leaving the car on empty? Your friend breaking COVID-19 protocols? Now is the time to let it out!!! 

4.    Participate in the Feats of Strength

Following the Airing of Grievances comes Feats of Strength! On Seinfeld, this is when the head of the family tests his strength against a dinner guest of his or her choosing. Instead of an actual wrestling match, perhaps a thumb war or civil game of Chubby Bunny could suffice? Festivus cannot end until the head of the family is defeated!

5.    Festivus Miracles

Lastly, throughout the day ensure to call any slightly unordinary, but completely explainable event a Festivus Miracle! Perhaps your dog actually went to the bathroom in the first five minutes of your walk? Or you successfully carried all of your groceries into the house in one trip? Maybe you overwatered your Aloe plant and it survived? All Festivus Miracles!!

And with that, you have succeeded in your Festivus for the rest of us! 

If this post has been complete gibberish to you, don’t fret! You can catch up by borrowing seasons of Seinfeld on DVD from the WPL! Happy Festivus!

— Madison P.